I may have been born different and misunderstood from birth, but I know there is a place for me, somewhere in this universe. -Alyson Bradley
I was home today as I had another long drawn out dental appointment for a broken tooth. I took advantage of this to spend time with Giggles as life has been too busy of late. With reports, tests, endless conversations with teachers and parents , teaching and caring for my 26 munchkins I sometimes have little time left for my own gorgeous two.
I took him to mums this morning at 7 am as I am running an extension phonics course for some of my year 1s in the morning before school. ( Been very rewarding and fun so far!)
Well driving to mums wasn`t quite what I hoped... in fact after picking him up at mums ( after he demolished 2 icypoles wanting more , all at 9 am ) the whole day I found myself looking for Chris to help me work out what to do. Giggles had a meltdown in the car and continued to have repeated meltdowns for the rest of the time I had with him.
When he cries I just dont know what to do. Today the vacuum cleaner hose wouldnt come off the Dyson ( bloody thing!) and so it went...
I found myself calling Chris trying to work out the technicalities of pulling it all apart so he could just feel okay again.
As a parent there are voices telling me , `` Just distract him, teach him not to attach...`` but in those moments his ( and mine) heart is breaking and he and I cannot connect as I fail to see his fascination with it being so perfect. Its a weird kind of love but I just need to see him happy.
I admire my wonderful husband who has the patience of someone who takes one step at a time to have this universal language with Giggles.
As a working mum I feel I have lost the skills . I think I am more determined to forget all others hopes and regain some of this again. It is others in my life that need to be disappointed for a change, not my kids.
This past week I have laughed too. From watching his eyes light up at discovering fan collections on You tube to enjoying the sand , mud and water at a natural playground, its been great!
There is no one else I know who would enjoy pouring sand all over their heads and demonstrate a joy with it that is heavenly . I just LOVE seeing the world through his eyes. Did you know that squishing your fingers in mud is divine?
So even though I still have so much to learn and that I misunderstand him, he has his place on this earth and I am going to help him find it.
Hey Nyree,
ReplyDeleteI just encourage you when you have these special rare opportunities, that you do nothing, that is nothing of the housework, cooking, shopping, bathing etc, just lie on that grass with Elijah, or in his bed tunnel, or under the beanbag, and just lie there. He will calm under the presence of his mummy, he adores you, forget EVERYTHING else, who cares if your house is not clean, I certainly don't, I'll eat baked beans (or worse! chicken dinosaurs) anyday for a shared dinner because you had no time to shop, I'm not picky...Elijah is beautiful and you have a special chance to see the world in that other spectrum that God allowed for Elijah, I expect that you'll enjoy the journey. xxx